Hey. You. Yeah, you!
I’m gonna let you in on a little secret: I scared shitless now.
Yes. Now. At this very moment. I’m terrified.
To be honest, I’ve been depressed and scared for days now. I have a midterm today and I already failed my last midterm. So what did I do. Logically (*sarcasm*) I avoided my fear, meaning, practically speaking, I just didn’t study.
Yeah. You can bet I’m feeling pretty stupid right now.
But more than feeling stupid, I feel even more depressed and anxious and just scared out of my mind. And I don’t know what to do. Yeah, I know, “breathe in, breathe out, deep breaths, blah, blah, blah…” but that doesn’t work for me for a number of reasons.
So here’s what I’m gonna do. Like the good little scientist I am, I’m going to map out the worst that could happen…
fail test–>academic probation–>i have one quarter to fix this shit show, but for some reason I can’t–>I’m temporarily dismissed from school–>I have one year to do something “productive” with my time before I can apply for readmission
that’s as far as I wanna go for now.
Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. I can do this. Be brave, Lila, be brave. Deep breaths. Okay. It’s not so scary. Okay.
What do I do now though? They say deep breaths and mapping out the worst should make you feel at least 50% better, but I don’t.
I just don’t know what to do right now and I’m scared.
I’m sorry if this is all over the place but my mind is so scrambled by fear right now.